Soy una culjanter

Joaquín Secall, un genio de la crítica culjantera

En estos días en los cuales nos hemos zampado sesiones maratonianas de desfiles en NY, Londres o Milán, la cabeza me da vueltas: el feísmo chic de Marc Jacobs se mezcla con los encajes invernales de Miuccia, el russian folk de Gucci con la vuelta al clasicismo propuesta por Armani, el country chic de Carolina con el mud degradé de Burberry Prorsum….., ya no sé cuando es verano o invierno, pues siempre voy un semestre por delante: es un hecho, soy una esclava de las tendencias.

Pero vayamos atrás. Hubo una época en la que sólo me gustaba el rock alternativo australiano y las películas subtituladas chinas; adoraba a Murakami y rechazaba a Camela, me compraba el último disco de Nawja y quería vestir de Mcqueen, como Bjork.

A la semana siguiente, lucía antes que nadie mis pantalones camuflaje militar, me compraba una estantería Billy en el gigante sueco (antes que las hordas de familias poblaran el lugar) y me iba de vacaciones espirituales a la India, para volver cargada de telas.
A la vuelta de la India, a pesar de mi rechazo por el rollo cubano, no salía de Calle 54, aprovechaba mis viajes a Londres para comprar el lector de CDs de pared, y empezaba a interesarme por la ecología, mucho, muchísimo tiempo antes de verdades incómodas.

Pero este año todo es mucho más rápido, más intenso. Tengo que rescatar de tiempos pasados los cuadros, el gothic lolita, el burlesque, la cocina elaborada pero no deconstruida, desempolvar a Francis Ford Coppola y guardar a cambio a su hija con alcanfor, para horas después sacarla, pues creará una línea para LV. Esto es agotador.


¿Cómo puedo vencer esta inercia? Teniendo opiniones propias. No compraré jamás algo sólo por ser lo último, no iré a un nuevo restaurante sólo porque esté de moda, no rechazaré cosas por horteras (mañana pueden dejar de serlo) . Voy a jurar esto sobre el manual de las memorias de Christian Dior, a ver si así me tranquilizo y mi ritmo se normaliza..…¿me harán caso el resto de culjanters? La respuesta la próxima temporada.

23 comentarios

  1. Yo lo intento pero siempre acabo cayendo. Soy lo peor.

    Por cierto, he visto un bolso de esa colección de Sofi para LV y tiene una pinta maravillosa.

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  2. Sigo disfrutando de Murakami, pero igual sí debería desempolvar mis discos de rock australiano... (todavía tengo vinilos...)... Segun pasa el tiempo busco cosas que me gusten y se adapten a mí, y como la gran mayoría de la moda se enfoca para gente que está en otra pantalla del videojuego... yo voy a lo mío.
    Pero he de confesar que me encanta leeros a las que estais tan al día, ja, ja...

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  3. jajaja, ¡no sufras tanto! Mientras seas consciente de tu "problema", puedes sucumbir todo lo que quieras a las últimas modas.

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  4. Y que paso con las telas traidas de India??

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  5. Ay, yo juré que no me pondría pitillos jamás y ya ves. Es muy difícil no ser influenciado por las tendencias, nos rodean, nos acosan y al final caemos. :-S
    Me he partido con tu post!! Y las tiras cómicas son GENIALES!!!

    Un beso enorme, bonica!!

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  6. casandra, nunca digas nunca jamas

    tatel, es una novela!

    aliena, gracias

    heidi, es una ruleta rusa

    esti, qué duro es ser moderno!

    Di, siempre estamos cayendo.Dijimos que no comprariamos más revistas y alli estamos, dijimos que no ibamos a ver más pelis alternativas y seguimos torturándonos...no tenemos arreglo

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  7. Me pasa lo mismo que a todas, despotrico contra lo alternativo pero luego pago religiosamente la entradita para ver un bodrio de cine social o para comprarme un disco de la Rosenvinge.


    Por cierto, ¡qué ganas tengo de ver "Diario de una ninfómana". Supongo que será lo más sensacionalista y pretencioso del mundo pero tengo ganas de ver a Angela Molina y al argentino ese que está buenísimo. Besos Raquel.

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  8. Ese ritmo es agotador, mejor optar por ser uno mismo, aunque es tan dificil resistirse...

    Un besazo guapa

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  9. Síi yo también quiero bajarme de la corriente de las tendencias, aunque las botas de Sergio Rossi que tienes en el blog no me vendrían nada mal...

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  10. muchas gracias por pasar!
    que gustazo ver un blog tan guay de una cordobesa

    te agrego a mis blogs +


    xxx

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  11. amí me pasa algo muy humano, me tienta aquello que no puedo tener, para el caso, obtener. y me paso las tendencias con 'mono' de compra imposible. para saltar rapidamente a otro imposible... si al menos fuera ahorrando me podría saciar de tanto en tanto pero de alguna manera u otra también me lo gasto. seguiré con mono. un XX!

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  12. http://tw.myblog.yahoo.com/shun-chuan
    Are you aware that the news you are watching is interlaced with Communist China's propaganda,as
    Communist China maps a realm of news with innocent lives?
    Communist China is scheming a millennial terrorist activity by manipulating people's behaviors
    through electromagnetic waves to contain criticism and harm innocent human lives.

    1. The anomaly in community traffic of cars and motorcycles and drag racing,and reckless honking by
    cars and motorcycles is exceeding an unprecedented level.
    2. Communist China has the technology to scan the human brain waves through military satellite and
    to discern and decipher their thoughts,scheming to instill individual interference focusing on
    each individual in need using the satellite electromagnetic waves.
    3. Deploying electromagnetic waves is poised to project onto the human brain with certain
    sounds for the perception of grossly traumatizing or startling pain,or deploying the broadcast
    of noise via electromagnetic waves in sleeping humans with edited clips of films or through
    voice or image signals onto our brains or besiege our sensory functions with fabricated
    audible and sensory illusions.
    4. It manipulates one's moods,such as smiling,nervousness,disgust,panic,anger,sorrow,
    desires,appetite,and so forth.
    5. It interferes the human brain's thinking capability,memory or linguistic capability,to name a
    few,causing spasms of muscles and fingers in the left and right hands,stinging aches
    throughout the body,coughing,yawning,trembling,involuntary blinking of the eye,runny
    nose and so forth.
    6. Electromagnetic waves are deployed to hinder the motoring functions of the body and neck,
    disrupt the heartbeat or respiration,manipulate dizziness,deprive one's sleep,spasm,saliva
    gland,dental neural pain,etc.
    7. Watch out that Communist China is infiltrating the news media by deploying electromagnetic
    waves to besiege the broadcast media,map out viral disillusion or erroneous perception,and
    investigate threats of brainwashing in viral spreading.
    8. It further moved to deploy various symptoms in what one sees of media icons,gesture terms,
    adding a skewed interpretation to one's cognitive awareness,misleading an individual to
    hallucinate or suffer,such as the North Korean's rigid smile,which is a tactic Communist
    China often deploys to counter the people.
    9. By observing the resolution accuracy of Communist China's sound and image (scenario)
    interference projected onto the human's brain,this can only be achieved with a certain level
    of frequencies at the source of interference,hence there is no doubt that it has to be the
    electromagnetic wave. Yet questions remain as to what range of frequencies the source of
    interference deploys,or what kind of electromagnetic waves insulation chamber would suffice
    to provide an insulation yield? Communist China might deploy specific metal alloys as small scale
    molecular antennas, which are attached to the human brain in large number,creating
    electromagnetic waves when the human brain is in function,where the current created by
    Communist China's electromagnetic interference would poise to amplify in a staggering
    number of multiplication,which Communist China can detect at all times to discern and
    muscles would excel the generation of electrode,which in turn create a corresponding
    electromagnetic wave within.
    10. Some of Communist China's intimidation experiences in 2002:6.9 "Hey,are you tired of living?"
    6.14 "We had concocted the bombing incident at the U.S. embassy in Pakistan"
    "Jiang Zhemin ordered us to kill you,but without creating scenes"6.16 "The Pakistani
    civilian troops confessed that they had schemed the bombing of the U.S. embassy in
    Pakistan,which we had manipulated them to confess,so what are you going to do about it?"
    6.19 "Hey,why don't you just go ahead and commit suicide""We are going to scheme
    murder using the public bus"6.20 "Commit suicide by burning charcoal,get it?"6.25 "Jiang
    Zhemin just does not like you,go hit your head against the wall".
    11. I reckon that there are victims abound out in the street,no less alarming than wars,and those
    not in the know or did not understand that Communist China's simple electromagnetic design
    could easily turn people against each other,create moving incidents,little lese to say mislead
    the youth to broach down the wrong path,suicidal prompting,design and fabrication of a host
    of society news (which Communication China refers to as movie making),as Communist China has had a
    decade long of the technology,and has long abused its technological advantages to scheme up design
    of abusing human lives by arranging fabricated news to poison and infiltrate the free
    world,manipulate and misguide the contents of the media,and deploy brainwashing and malicious
    spread of viruses,done with insinuation and riddles.The fact that Communist China's slaughtering
    the innocent had been the result of a high level of calculation,and a high level of rationalization,
    where the threats are in existence,and cannot be ignored of their detrimental severity.
    12. Communist China often coerce people to watch news compiled by the reporter Lu Yuling of the cable
    news in order for them to be saved,but few are aware that Communist China had merely deploy the
    reporter to entrap many people. I do envision that those that turn to committing crime as framed
    by Communist China,the extra sufferings by the ordinary people,and the deaths of many innocent
    lives will not go unnoticed as hindered by a condoning attitude.
    13. Nazi Hu Jintao, Jiang Zemin, Chinese Liberation Army, security police and armed police have committed suppression and massacre on their own civilians. Hu, Jiang and the other atrocious butchers owe these innocent civilians! More horrible and serious is that they are using mysterious killing technologies to cause harms to human brains around the world, making advantage of numerous international politicians and journalists to help them commit atrocities and beautify their actions, aiming to overturn and suppress those innocent people and cover up their terrorist acts and win fame by cheating the world. Securing in the knowledge that they have strong backing, these arrogant and shameless butchers have committed tortures and mass killing cruelly to those innocent ones around the world. Unfortunately, neither these politicians and nor journalists knowing what is what would dare to express their conscience.
    14. The inhumane acts and atrocities committed by Nazi China are far more vicious than that of Nanjing massacre in China during WWII committed by Japanese army, as Chinese government is using mysterious technologies to commit massacres to masses of bare-handed civilians around the world as well as launch violence and terrorist activities to suppress these completely unarmed people’s freedom of speech. These demons, like Hu, Jinag and Chinese Liberation Army, despise the chastity, dignity and precious life of those innocent ones and suppress the emotions of their beloved. Meanwhile, relying on the condition that most of people in the world will not be able to witness their vicious acts of violence and behaviors they have committed unscrupulously and shamelessly, these Chinese Liberation Army enjoys using cruel ways to torture, massacre and trample on these innocent people, physically and mentally, in one free world. The arrogant Hu, Jiang and those jackals nurtured under such ferocious power treat themselves as the symbol of benevolence and hero, as they fail to learn their gutless and vicious acts to trample on those innocent people. If these demons, butchers and dregs of human, such as Hu, Jiang and Chinese Liberation Army who have become frenzied and conscienceless appeared in the site of Nanjing massacre in WWII, they definitely would be the leading roles to act atrocities!
    15. We don’t want to see masses of innocent people to fall victim to the hell on earth built by red China where they will be susceptible to tortures and massacres for thousands of years.
    16. Despite being even unable to fend for themselves in face of the high-tech detriments and attacks from China, we can not tolerate the fact that these politicians and journalists will become the accomplices to help China commit its terrorist acts and suppression on these innocent people in the current era or an unknown future.
    17. In view of the notorious, vicious and sinister Hu, Jiang, Chinese Liberation Army with blood-stained hands, we just cast doubt over whether these greats of knowing what is what who have negotiated with these demons will show their conscience to save these innocent civilians or will act just for the sake of their profits, or are under the control of China. In this current drowned world, how will these innocent lives be treated in face of the atrocious acts committed by these diabolical figures, or when these innocent people will witness the practice of democracy in China? Will these phenomena turn out to be the joint efforts and endeavors achieved by China and those powerful figures in the world? Are we really dedicated to overturning such adversity? Our goal is to eliminate the vicious power one day with our strenuous efforts, and we absolutely will achieve it!

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  13. Qué razón tienes. Yo tengo continua sensación de vertigo. Si llevo lo que aún no se lleva o lo que ya se llevó ¿iré bien o iré fatal? ¿soy modernilla o una hortera sin remedio? Es muy estresante. Me estoy planteando empezar a pasar. Seguiré mirandolo todo pero creo que adaptaré lo que me convenza. Aunque sea una hortera...
    Besos.

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  14. holaaaaaaaaaaaaa¡
    esto...alguien ha leido el breve a la par que interesante comentario que te ha dejado el bueno de Shun un poco mas arriba?el sistema chino es lo peor¡
    Ser esclava en el sigloXXI es horrible,pero serlo de las tendencias no tiene nombre(para todo lo demás tu tarjeta Mastercard.Libérate y ponte lo que te de la gana cuando te de la gana del modo que tú quieras¡
    Que esto son 2 dias para tanta tontería¡
    abrazo liberador

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  15. esto...y en H&M tenemos camisetas básicas a 3'95
    ahorrar es esto y con H&M es posible¡

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  16. No tirar nunca nada... el síndrome de Diogenes es un invento del capitalismo para evitar que la misma prenda pueda estar de moda varias veces a lo largo de una vida lo suficientemente larga... cualquier cosa volverá a estar de moda si le concedes unos años...;-)

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  17. Se libre querida Raquel, que la vida merece vivirla sin ataduras.
    XX

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  18. archi, gracias por tu consejo, lo pondré en práctica

    lapetit, no tirar nada es inviable con los minipisos, pero se hará un esfuerzo

    Bruno, parece un anuncio del lidl, jejejejejejeje

    ratita, SER MODERNO ES UN CURRO

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  19. dear shun, I LOVE CHINA, and thats the only thing i have to tell you.

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  20. colibri, qué divertido es gastar dinero (cuando vaya a bcn me tengo que pasar por tu tienda)

    mike! pronto voy por córdoba !!!gracias por leerme (por fin un paisano, me siento profeta en mi tierra)

    aretha, quizás con una loto todo será más fácil

    marc, solo critico lo rápido que va todo, nada más

    jamelgo, diario de una ninfómana? tenemos que ir para luego criticar como dior manda

    GRACIAS A TODOS, INCLUIDO SHUN, (A ver si con un poco de suerte se pasa kaneshiro algún día por aqui)

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  21. Hola Raquel,
    me alegra comprobar que existen culjanter con mejor sentido del humor que otras más altas que yo conozco...

    Muchas gracias por la promo!

    Un beso

    Joaquín

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Tus comentarios SIEMPRE son bienvenidos!